KASTAWAYS
THE ORDER IS STRANDED.
For you visual learners, watch the TLDR.
Now for those of you that are literate, here's how we became: KASTAWAYS‼️
Thrilled by the literal four drops of rain we got this year, the boys got antsy. If you've been to KA, you know we live on the open ocean. If you know the members of KA, you know we love to explore said ocean, by whatever vehicle or means necessary. This whole "Lake Lag" bit is propaganda so no one tries to take our land.
Deciding there was enough water to set sail, Alex Mane seared us some chicken, our loyal little pledigtos built us the KREWSHIP, Yah, Baldwin, Berk and the groms readied their surf boards, and we set sail.
We sailed for months on end. Brown Boy Brunch played a home game. To the ire of Mr. Camponovo Valencia will henceforth be known as KAlencia. We all gained deep appreciation for gyros and Tinos's english. To the dismay of Nicolo and Guido the Leaning Tower of Pisa is now the LLeeaaannninnnggg Tower of Pisa. Che palle!
And then, as we were on our way back to the states, excited to figure out why Ben and Clay think Texas should annex, tragedy struck. A light rain and mild winds morphed into an absolute tempest. Thrashing waves rocked the ship. Gales ripped apart our sails. Black storm clouds filled the horizon. Lightning struck our masts. Water inundated the hull.
The Krewship was tipping. The boys were cooked.
Everyone braced for the end in their own way. Tweaksner started punching the waves. Chase hit the piece so hard his VO2 max doubled. Charlie goes, "damn." The rest of us threw on our life vests and prayed.
When we woke up, we had all washed ashore on a unknown island. The KREWSHIP was split in two on the beach. All of our supplies bobbed around in the water. We salvaged what we could. All the food would only last a month. We dubbed it KA Island, as we believed ourselves its first settlers.
We were sorely mistaken.
The Raiders came on our first night. Emerging from the dark, weapons in hand, they slashed our members and stole our supplies. We did all we could to fight them off.
That brings us to now. Filip sauced me a hotspot on his Mac Mini just to send this message out. Merill is 30 v 1 against the raiders (strain-farming). Food and water are running out fast. We are completely marooned.
Hunger set in. Unspeakable thoughts emerged. As delicious as Jatwani must be, the boys entered a pact. We knew we could't fight of the raiders forever. The rations were looking slim. Watching Pearson get skinnier genuinely brought tears to Jacob's eyes.
So, instead of dying a slow death in a battle of attrition (minimum aura), we decided we would give up on survival. We decided we would take every last piece of food and drink — the rum, the whisky, the alex mane chicken, and, with it all, we would throw one last blowout bash. We decided we would seize our last day, owning our end (maximum aura).
THE MEMBERS OF THE ORDER ARE KASTAWAYS. 5/2 WILL BE OUR LAST DAY ALIVE. WE ARE GOING OUT WITH A BANGGGGGGG.
We no longer want to be saved. This transmission is not an SOS. It's too late for that. We've already lost too many to the KrAiders. This transmission is an invitation to make our last day the best day ever. This transmission is a calling to a blowout darty with us. GP afters will be but a dirge at our funeral pyre.
WE WANT YOU TO COME JOIN US ON KA ISLAND FOR THE LAST PARTY OF OUR LIVES‼️‼️‼️
** Check daily transmission drops at: **
** https://kastaway.party/ **
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