Bald Brad Night
Hosted by
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˘▿˘you do NOT have to be bald to attend (but if interested see the Cuteness Clause below)
TL;DR (as always):
- Big Sexy is going BALD for the night
- Starting at OTB and bar-hopping around Willy
- Come see the dome, touch it, and VOTE
- This is not my DIVORCE party (feeling good about 2026 guys)
- It may even be a ~MAGICAL~ evening
- HYPE VIDEO: https://youtube.com/shorts/-NNqBqrOCIs
OFFICIAL SCHEDULE presented by Hims:
- 9pm @ OTB: Hair Loss Small Talk Happy Hour
- 9:30pm: The Big Bald Reveal
- 9:31pm: Look, Touch, Vote, Regret, Revote
- 10pm: Magic to Calm the Nerves
- 11pm: Storm the Streets (more coming soon)
THE LORE: Bald Brad Night™:
As many of you know, I was recently on crutches, which reminded me I have health insurance — a great benefit I had never thought to use. So I went to the dermatologist, and he hit me with some tough news: I’m balding.
The good news? It’s reversible with medication. The bad news? Said medication comes with cute little side effects like depression and erectile dysfunction (minor stuff, really).
Because I enjoy being happy and having completely average but functional erections, I decided to rehearse the look before taking the POISON PILLS. I want to be professionally bald in the wild, gather feedback from you and potential suitors (as you might have guessed I am very single), and make a data driven decision about my hair future.
This is Bald Brad Night.
THE RULES brought to you by Blue Man Group:
1. If you attend this event you must VOTE (democratic election, no gerrymandering)
2. If we see someone bald BUY them a BEER
3. [OPTIONAL ATTIRE] Bald Caps/Swim Caps (smooth heads)
4. [CUTENESS CLAUSE] If going bald for this party PLZ don’t look better than me (i’ll be sad)
5. NO HATS ALLOWED (transparency)
Headspace Presents HUMBLING CHALLENGES:
1. Talk to a cute girl with my bald head
2. Bald forehead kiss (or her number)
3. Convince Doug/Rei/Trevor/Brian to donate hair
4. Get into Nightmoves when accompanied by our hot cool friends
5. But then tell the bouncer just kidding I’m not with them and see if he still lets me in [ADVANCED]
Q&A with TURKISH (H)AIRLINES:
Q: Brad, do I have to go bald to attend?
A: No one is required to go cue-balled but me, but if you want to join then by all means! DO NOT LOOK HOTTER THAN ME ON MY SPECIAL HAIRLOSS NIGHT
Q: Can I bring a friend?
A: YES, baldness is literally inclusive of all races, genders, and forehead sizes.
Q: Brad I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, what can I do to help?
A: Here’s how YOU can help the bald community:
- have a sweat towel handy
- donate your hair for wigs
- [required] match with us on hinge
Q: Why not just go to Turkey, Big Sexy?
A: Hair transplants do not always work, and can have side effects and risks. The only permanent solution is a bald party.
AND FINALLY hear what the STREETS ARE SAYIN:
“Son I don’t understand” -Dad
“Omg I don’t get it” -Monica
“Should we date?” -Cazzie, Larry David’s daughter
“Donde otros ven pérdida, Big Sexy ve poder.”
-Reinaldo Cruz Alfonzo Taura Cabiya
“This might just turn into an old fashioned arousal party 💚” -LC
“Uhhhhhhhhh” -Tommy
“You're not invited on my Turkey Trip” -Lachie
“This party goes against everything I’ve taught you” -My Therapist
“How do you keep your bald cap on when going upside down!”
-Butt Chug Doug
“But when are you getting divorced?”
-Everyone/Mom
If you’ve read this far (thanks) and your name is Annie, just know I did this all for you.
Also @Raya your move.
With love and thinning hair,
Big (Bald) Sexy
SOURCES:
- Website: bradgoesbald.com
- Hype Video: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-NNqBqrOCIs
- Makeup Artist: https://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/crg/d/brooklyn-bald-cap-makeup-artist-needed/7867335257.html
- Magician: https://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/crg/d/brooklyn-magician-needed-for-party/7874454732.html
- Food for Thought: https://www.reddit.com/r/bald/comments/1mr48ce/did_i_make_the_right_choice/
Guest List
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